This post is taken from my latest book, So, How Was Your Meeting? which is available as a Kindle e-book here.

Years ago, just before the grand opening of the Pirates of the Caribbean attraction at Disneyland, Walt Disney and his top aides took what was planned to be the final test “drive” before opening it to the public. If you’re familiar with the ride, you’ll recall that it begins with your boat drifting through a quiet, nighttime bayou scene.

Moments after the ride began Walt suddenly cried out, “Stop! There’s something wrong here. I can’t place it – but something doesn’t look right!”

Everyone looked around, and furrowed their brows, but no one could put their finger on the problem.  Walt persisted, “I just know something’s missing. We’re missing something.”

Someone remembered a busboy who worked at the restaurant that overlooks the artificial bayou. Perhaps they should ask him? After all, he’d grown up on the real bayou in Louisiana. They sent for him, and sure enough, he figured it out in a few seconds.

“There are no fireflies,” he said. “If this was a real bayou, you’d have thousands of ‘em.”

Walt delayed the opening until thousands of artificial fireflies could be assembled and installed.

Often, there are things you can add to an experience which might not have been missed by the casual observer, but on some level, enhance everything. Meetings are no exception. I call these things “fireflies.” Here are some meeting fireflies I’ve seen used with great effectiveness:

• Small bowls of candy or mints on the table.

• Gimmicks and toys for a bit of fun–Nerf balls, pliable Gumby figures, stress balls, etc.

• An egg-timer to assist with timekeeping. When an issue is first brought up, the Timekeeper sets the time.

• A device that continually tracks the amount of money being spent for the meeting, similar to the National Debt sign on Wall Street.

• Copies for everyone of an article that someone found interesting, which may have nothing to do with the actual agenda of the day.

Here are two unique fireflies that I saw first-hand. Both went on to become legendary in their organizations.

One group had developed the habit of “beating a dead horse” when discussing critical issues in ongoing meetings. They had agreed to stop this time-wasting pattern, but it persisted. One day, someone made a trip to a toy store, purchased a small plastic horse, and brought it to the next meeting.

Soon enough, the group began going around in circles. Quietly, he pulled the toy horse from his briefcase and slid it across the conference table. “We’re doing it again, folks!”

Everyone began laughing–and the cycle was broken. From that day on, if the group slipped into its old behavior, someone would get the horse and toss it on the table. Problem solved.

Different group–nearly the same idea, but their issue was dancing around the “elephant in the room.” You guessed it–someone brought in a cute, plush stuffed elephant. With the prop, someone could say, “I think there’s an elephant in the room.”

It cut the tension while keeping the focus on something important.

Do you have to provide fireflies at your meetings? I suppose not. After all, the group won’t notice something they weren’t expecting. And, after all, they will add a bit of expense, and extra work to create them. Are they really worth it?

Ask Walt Disney.

What do oxygen masks, red flags, and sharp axes have in common? They are barometers of self-care.

You can’t lead others effectively if you don’t take care of yourself first. It’s that simple.

Of course, we all know that – but what have you done for you lately, or are you so busy leading others you don’t take time for yourself?

Consider the Scottish proverb, “What may be done at any time will be done at no time.”

Ouch.

Take a few moments to reflect on three gentle reminders about self-care:

1. Are you putting on your own oxygen mask first?
2. Are you paying attention to the personal little red flags that pop up from time to time?
3. Are you taking time to sharpen your own axe?

Putting on your own oxygen mask

We all know that the first instruction of a flight attendant is to put on your own oxygen mask first in the event of an emergency, before attempting to help others. It seems a bit selfish and perhaps counter-intuitive when you imagine a struggling child in the adjacent seat, but it’s true. You can’t really support your team for long if…

• You don’t close your “open door” from time to time…
• You don’t get away from it all from time to time…
• You don’t engage in so-called “non-productive” uses of your time, like day-dreaming, getting out into nature, reading a good (non-professionally-related) book, or doing something just because it’s fun to do…

Little red flags

What do little red flags (that nagging toothache, the “check engine” light on the dashboard, the overdue notice from the credit card company) have in common? Left unattended, they become BIG red flags which supersede anything else you might want to do.

As the old commercial said, “You can pay (attention to) me (now) or you can pay me later!” We all know which is more expensive.

Got any little red flags you need to address?

Sharpening your axe

You know the story. Two woodcutters engage in a competition. The first chops fast and furiously, never pausing, soon building up a pile of logs. The second works with as much determination, but periodically he pauses to sharpen his axe. It’s not long before the second woodcutter has a much higher pile of wood, despite his occasional “time-outs.”

I connect this story with this adage: “If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.”

Ask yourself:

• What leadership challenge frustrates me right now?
• Am I acting like the first woodcutter, confusing determination and action with learning a new approach?
• How could I pause to sharpen my axe? (Could you find a workshop? Read a book? Get a coach? Schedule time with a mentor? Simply take a break and come back with fresh eyes?)

With our obsession with productivity, measurement, and results, we can easily neglect good self-care. Renew your commitment to putting on your own oxygen mask first, attending to any little red flags, and sharpening your own axe.

The irony? If you’ll do that, you’ll see dividends in terms of results. Weird, huh?

]]> http://garywinters.com/archives/1517/feed 0 http://garywinters.com/archives/1474 http://garywinters.com/archives/1474#comments Sat, 27 Aug 2011 22:38:11 +0000 Gary Winters http://garywinters.com/?p=1474 Continue reading →]]> Share/Save

Managing friends, former peers or co-workers is rarely easy when you first become their manager.

Most of the time, people find themselves in this awkward situation when they are promoted to a leadership role in their current department. It can also happen when someone who’s been your friend, colleague or peer transfers into your department and now reports to you.

Sometimes, you’re asked to manage someone who’s been your personal friend for a some time. You have a history together beyond the workplace, where you share mutual interests. You could be members of the same social circle outside work.

Sometimes, the colleague you now manage is someone you’ve known only at work. You might lunch together frequently. This could be a co-worker you’ve taken into your confidence when you wanted to talk about problems at work – or even your old boss.

Whether close personal friend or familiar co-worker, there’s a bond, a relationship with some history and a set of expectations of one another.

When you become the boss, everything about these relationships can suddenly be uncomfortable. There’s a new set of groundrules to establish – as the manager, you are going be held accountable for the work performance of any friends or former co-workers on the team, and they are going to have to come to terms with the fact that they now report to you.  Everyone involved can feel awkward and hesitant about the future.

Managing personal friends is tricky, in part, because you may want to sustain the relationship while succeeding in your new job.

With former co-workers, there can be other issues at play. If you’re taking charge of your current department, there could be people who:

• Wanted the promotion given to you.
• Feel you’re not qualified for the job.
• Deeply miss your predecessor and resent having to “start over” with someone else.
• Expect special treatment from you based on the connection you had as peers.

As the new manager, you will have a million things on your mind, from big stuff such as…

• Managing your own transition into your new role
• Building a good relationship with your new boss
• Establishing your credibility and expectations with your new team

…to practical stuff, like…

• Preparing the budget for the next quarter
• Conducting interviews for new employees
• Reviewing new policies and procedures
• And so on

The transition into management is challenging under any circumstances. Doing so when one or more members of the team are personal friends or former peers can be daunting. That said, it can be done. My new book, Managing Friends & Former Peers, will give you what you need to know to move forward with confidence and grace.

(By the way, for the purposes of a bit of shorthand, so I wouldn’t have to use the rather awkward phrase “friends or former peers” throughout the book, I coined a word: friendcos. “Friendcos” are either personal friends, former co-workers and colleagues, or both. Friend + Co – get it?)

This Just In Time ebook is focused on just one aspect of management – how to manage friendcos, a niche leadership skill which is a subset of broader leadership competencies – holding difficult conversations, coaching employees, and setting standards, to name a few. It puts a microscope on one very important skill – managing friendcos.

You can successfully manage people who’ve been your friend or co-worker. It won’t happen by chance, and it’s not a matter of pulling some management “trick” out of your hat. But you can learn how to do it, and you can apply what you’re about to learn right away.

Start your new leadership assignment with confidence. For about the price of a cup of coffee, you can order your copy today!

It’s been widely observed and generally accepted that the world is changing at a faster clip than ever, and that the rate of change is accelerating.

What’s not changing, however, is our capacity to absorb it, deal with it, and integrate it. We still do it the same old-fashioned human way as our ancestors did – but today, we have much more to absorb.

How do people react to change?

I learned a great exercise in a workshop with Ken Blanchard years ago that beautifully illustrated seven “dynamics” of change.

Participants were asked to find a partner, stand facing them, and take a few moments to “memorize” their appearance. Next they were asked to turn back-to-back and alter (change) their own appearance in five ways. People removed jewelry, loosened their tie, took off a name badge, etc.

Then they were asked to face one another and see if they could tell what had been changed. After a few moments, they were instructed to turn back-to-back a second time – and make ten additional changes to their own appearance – for a total of 15!

Lots of nervous laughter. Comments like “You’ve got to be kidding!” and “There’s no way!” filled the air.

None-the-less, people did their best, and once again, faced one another and tried to identify the changes.

Finally, Ken asked everyone to thank their partner and return to their seats. Everyone did – but not until they’d put everything back in place and returned to their original appearance.

Ken debriefed the exercise, pointing out seven fairly predictable behaviors as people attempted to make changes in their own appearance. As he pointed out, these behaviors will appear regardless of the change being made. Not everyone experienced all of the dynamics, but in a group, it was a safe bet that someone reacted with each one.

1. First, most folks felt awkward and ill-at-ease as they gazed at their partner, trying to memorize their appearance.
2. Second, most people found themselves asking themselves a question – “What do I have to give up?” when asked to alter their appearance. This was demonstrated by the fact that nearly everyone “subtracted” from their appearance – they removed watches, rings, and nametags. Very few if any “added” to their appearance.

When asked to make an additional ten changes to their appearance, four different dynamics were on display – not by any one person, but by the group as a whole.

1. Many people felt overwhelmed. Ten additional changes was just too much to ask.
2. Many people also felt that they lacked the resources to do what was asked. They would later joke that they “hadn’t worn enough clothes” to make more changes. They also admitted they felt stumped – as though they weren’t smart enough to comply with the instruction.
3. Some folks felt isolated and alone – they felt they had to figure it out all by themselves. They demonstrated this dynamic by avoiding eye contact with other participants, and by not scanning the room for ideas from others.
4. There was a wide variety of thoughts and feelings about making those ten changes. People were at a different level of readiness to make the changes. Some took it as a challenge and enjoyed puzzling it out – others balked, and some even quit the exercise and sat down.

Finally, when Ken asked participants to return to their seats, nearly everyone reverted right back to their original appearance, even when they had made changes that would appear to leave them more relaxed (such as loosening ties).

It’s critical that leaders understand these dynamics and prepare to deal with them.

Whether you’re about to introduce a new policy, a new system, a new set of goals, some new technology or whatever to your team, you need to consider how you’re going to handle the human dynamics of change.

Can you help people feel less awkward and ill-at-ease in the beginning? Sometimes, this can be as simple as acknowledging that they are going to feel awkward. Making it okay to have an experience can minimize the uncomfortable feelings about that experience.

Are people likely to wonder what they have to give up? Again, acknowledge that there may be losses, but there’s much to be gained – and point out what.

If people might be overwhelmed, or feel that they don’t have the resources to make the change, give them tools, training, change partners, tutorials, examples, demonstrations, coaching and the like. Same goes for the folks who might feel isolated – pair them up with others.

If you fail to address the natural, predictable, human response to change, you may have a new problem to solve – the tendency for people to revert back to older behaviors. If, on the other hand, you can support them through the uncomfortable stages of change adaptation, you will greatly increase the odds of successful implementation.

There are three simple but powerful questions that can help you improve your effectiveness and better understand your impact on others.

Imagine if you were to ask your team:

• To be more effective as a leader, what should I start doing (or do more often)?
• To be more effective as a leader, what should I stop doing (or do less often)?
• What should I continue to do that I’m already doing?

Incidentally, if you can’t imagine asking your team to respond to those questions honestly and candidly, you’ve already got some crucial information – there’s probably a trust issue to face.

That said, is there a way you could encourage people to respond to those questions in a way that is anonymous and confidential?

Wouldn’t you want to know how your team would respond to these questions?  What could you do with that information?

I have long believed, and know for a fact, that most of what we call leadership behavior can be learned.

But some of what constitutes great leaders (whether on the world stage or in your organization) simply can’t be learned – or taught. I call that the X Factor.

All of the effective leaders I’ve ever known, worked for, coached, or simply observed had at least one amazing characteristic that they brought to the table – and they didn’t learn it. They learned to leverage it.

Take Jim, for example. Jim’s a great leader in his market-dominating organization. He’s visionary, he’s a compelling communicator, and he’s legendary in his knowledge of what his organization produces. But he also has this knack, I’ll call it, of being able to make anyone think that they are the most important person in the world to him at a given moment.

I don’t think that’s teachable. Improvable, perhaps, but he brought that to his leadership practice from deep within his psyche.

Then there’s Tom. A former highway patrol officer, he moved into a management role in a large manufacturing organization and soon excelled at his ability to lead his department to high levels of effectiveness. To some, he was an SOB to work for, but most would admit privately at once you’ve worked for Tom, you took your own performance to another level. For Tom, the X Factor was his decisiveness. He was rash, impulsive, and quick to make decisions. Training and mentoring and coaching helped him improve the quality of his decisions – but none of that made him more decisive.

Sally was held in awe by others for her talent to make people feel fully supported and heard, which in turn made them want to follow her. Sally’s development path no doubt included learning strategies and techniques that convey the experience of empathy – but she brought the desire and habit of being empathetic to her role as a leader. She didn’t learn to be empathetic in a classroom, or from a book, or from her mentor. She was naturally empathetic – only moreso than most people.

Everyone can learn to be a better leader.

I believe that leaders will be more effective if they study leadership to learn what effective leaders do, and then practice applying those skills until they master them. But just as important, leaders should reflect on their personal X Factor and seek to leverage that as much as they can.

What is your X Factor? Ask yourself:

• What comes naturally to me?
• Where have I always excelled (not just in a leadership context, but in general)?
• What are the two or three words that people use most often to describe me?

When Connie thought about these questions, she was surprised at first to hear herself answering:

• “My sense of humor.”
• “Putting people at ease through humor.”
• “Connie is funny, relaxed, confident.”

Connie’s X Factor is humor. It’s what can take her leadership practice to a very high level. She can learn (and in fact has learned) many typical how-to’s of leadership: setting goals, challenging people to do their best, holding people accountable, or even running good meetings. But it’s her ability to find the humor in any situation which will put her over the top.

If you were to study Connie’s leadership, you might conclude that you should learn to be funny to be a better leader. Wrong. The real lesson is to learn what your own X Factor is, acknowledge it, run with it, and make it a hallmark of your leadership “style.”

What does it really mean, to lead?

There are literally dozens of definitions, but the one I like the most is this (attributed to Dwight Eisenhower): Leadership appears to be the art of getting others to want to do something you want done.

Something subtle about that definition – it’s about getting others to want to do something. It’s not just about making others do something.

Since managers (supervisors, directors, CEOs, etc.) are, by default, in the business of getting others to do things they want done, the best of them are leaders who know how to get others to actually want to do those things.

They do this by engaging in the following steps:

1. They create a vivid, compelling picture of what the end result (once the thing is done) will look like.  This picture is called their vision.
2. They figure out a way to describe this vision in very simple language. Two well-known examples:

   “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the Earth.” John Kennedy

   “Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” Ronald Reagen

3. They stay focused and committed to that vision regardless of setbacks, obstacles, and skeptics.

In other words, successful leaders are people who:

1. Have a vision.
2. Describe it simply, and frequently.
3. Don’t let themselves become distracted.

When you think about it that way, it’s easy to see that leaders do not have to be folks in management roles. It may seem like it’s easier to get others to (want to) do something you want done with a little positional power, that’s an illusion.

Yes, you can use positional authority to make someone do something, but that’s never going to be as good an outcome as you’ll get when you can get people to want to do it.

If you’ve been thinking that the only people in leadership roles in organizations are those who are “in charge,” think again. Anyone can be a leader.

Years ago I worked for a summer in the maintenance department of my high school. One day I came to work, and my supervisor asked me if I’d ever operated a floor sanding machine – you know, the thing that looks like a giant vacuum cleaner. I had never even seen one, so I responded, “Sure!”

“Good,” he said. “Every two years we have to strip the gymnasium floor and refinish it. This is the year, today’s the day, and you’re the guy who’s gonna strip it.”

He dispatched me to the gym and let me know he’d be by later to check on my work.

I approached the machine with the chutzpah and gumption of a typical seventeen year old. How hard could this be? I plugged it in and turned it on.

Instantly the bottom of the sander began revolving at high speed, and the machine began gyrating about the floor, seemingly with some evil plan. Instinctively I grabbed the handles harder and began pushing down to control the machine. BIG mistake.

The harder I tried to control the machine, the more it dragged me around the floor and gouged the hardwood.

Panicking, I quickly tried to locate the OFF switch. I couldn’t find it.

Finally, the machine moved near the electrical outlet to which it was attached. With a desperate lunge I managed to yank the plug from the outlet and stop the monster. With dismay I realized that several square feet of the floor were close to ruin.

After sheepishly bringing my boss to the scene of the crime, I was given a lesson in floor sanding. Turns out a very light touch, and an almost Zen-like mental state made operating the machine easy. It doesn’t respond positively to being “controlled,” but it shines when it’s allowed to do it’s job, and the operator merely guides it along.

Many years later, I realized I’d been given a good metaphor for managing people.

Turns out, even though they are (obviously) NOT machines, they respond pretty much the same way to their “operator” – their supervisor. Push down hard, and try to control everything, and they’ll take you all over the floor. And not in a good way!

“Leadership,” Dwight Eisenhower once said, “is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

He’s right.

When you boil it right down, we all do what we do for one of two reasons:

1. We have to.
2. We want to.

You’re the new manager.  You’re going to be making plans, setting priorities, making decisions, and assigning projects to your staff. They will complete these projects (the “things you want done”) because:

1. They have to.
2. They want to.

You have two choices to get people to do what you want done.

You can instill fear or you can foster desire.

It’s really that simple. Both strategies work, but I would argue that only one delivers consistent, positive, amazing results. Get people to do things because they want to, and you’re going to be impressed with the results.

Years ago, the prevailing belief about managers was that they were people who could say (and get away with it) things like:

• “It’s my way or the highway.”
• “We don’t pay you to think. We pay you to perform.”
• “When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.”

I’d like to say these days are long over, but sadly, they are not. There are plenty of bosses who “rule by fear.” Their power comes from the position they’ve been given in the organization. They want to control everything. They have been given the power to deliver unpleasant consequences to employees who don’t do their bidding. They get people to do things because those people are afraid of what will happen if they don’t do those things.

They get away with it when people fear:

• Losing their jobs,
• Their status or reputation in the organization, or even just
• Their ability to get good assignments.

Unlike the floor sander, people will do things they don’t want to do if their fear is strong enough. But will they give it their all?

Times have changed. Most managers recognize how vital it is to involve their employees in decision-making, choice of assignments and the like. Many organizations have embraced a new model for managers– the commitment model.

When people are committed to something, they invest more of themselves. Commitment means “devotion to a cause, person, or relationship.” When your people are committed to their assignment, you’ll get:

• Buy-in
• Loyalty
• Support
• Ownership
• Solid effort

Your challenge, when you embrace a commitment-based model of leadership, is to create an environment where commitment is the “path of least resistance.” Put another way, you need to create an environment where the easiest, most compelling choice is commitment.

Or, as Dr. W. Edward Deming once put it in his famous list of 14 factors for good management, your task is to “Drive fear out” of the organization.

I believe there are four things you can do to foster an environment of commitment:

1. Develop a compelling vision for your team.
2. Learn to communicate that vision and mission clearly and simply.
3. Become a monomaniac regarding that vision.
   (Huh? Monomaniac? It simply means having an obsessive interest in a single thing – in this case, achieving the vision. Talk about it relentlessly. Make sure that everyone knows the part they play, and each assignment plays in the achievement of the vision. Bring everything back to the vision.
4. Build trust. To do that, you should:

• Be accountable to meet the standards you set for others.
• Be honest.
• Be ethical.
• Walk your talk.
• Be consistent.
• Be accessible.
• Keep things shared in confidence confidential!

This post is Chapter One of my new book, What Your Boss Never Told You – The Quick Start Guide for New Managers. To order your own paperback version with all 21 chapters for just $12.95, click this link.

I’m pleased to announce the publication of my new book, What Your Boss Never Told You – The Quick Start Guide for New Managers.

The book is a collection of important ideas about what it means to be a manager in today’s organizations, some basic and relevant principles of human behavior, and information about what highly effective managers do in contrast with their peers.

So is this book really about things your boss never told you? I believe so.

There are some great bosses out there who excel at mentoring others – but there are far more who don’t. And even if you work for a Great Boss, and hope to emulate him or her in your own leadership practice, the odds are still pretty good that your boss hasn’t shared all of this information with you – because most bosses haven’t spent the time organizing it in this way. For example:

• Has your boss told you about the three kinds of employees you will be managing and the implications of this for your management practice?
• Has your boss ever talked about the best two- word job description of an effective manager?
• Has your boss passed on to you what most people really want from their boss?
• Have you discussed how and when to include your staff in your decision-making process?

I’m betting not.

I’m not knocking your boss.

Most managers aren’t as skilled (or committed) as we might like them to be in developing new managers. And let’s face it – most of them weren’t carefully and consciously coached themselves when they took their first management position. Add to that they have many priorities – and getting you “coached up” is but one of them.

Perhaps “Lesson #1” should be this: your development as a manager is really up to you. You must make the commitment to some honest self-assessment and find the resources to develop your skills. This book is a great place to start.

To learn more about the book you can visit its website: www.whatyourbossnevertold.com. You can also go directly to amazon.com if you prefer.

Let’s suppose you’ve assigned Bill and Abby to lead a special implementation team on an important project. You choose Bill for his interpersonal skills, which will be critical for the project’s success as the team interfaces with and needs support from other departments, and Abby for her technical skills, which is her strength and where she clearly shines.

A short time later, both Bill and Abby have requested time with you to talk about some problems they’re having with the project. Each has strong opinions of how the work should go forward, but they do not agree with one another, and they cannot come to agreement. They each want you to decide how they should proceed.

Which of the following options would you choose to resolve the standoff?

Option A: You could listen to both of them independently, choose the better plan based on your experience, and tell them to proceed with that plan.

Option B: You could listen to both of them independently, and create your own plan for them to follow.

Option C: You could listen to both of them together, choose the better plan based on your experience, and tell them to proceed with that plan.

Option D: You could listen to both of them together, and create your own plan for them to follow.

I would argue for “none of the above.” Here’s why:

When you assign responsibility to a team member, you pass the “monkey” of getting it done to that person. If they get stuck, they may attempt to return the monkey by asking you what they should do. If you aren’t careful, you’ll accept the monkey and take on what is essentially their job (since you delegated it to them).

“Management work” is getting results through others – not doing it for them when they’re faced with an obstacle. If you resolve this issue using any of the options presented above, you might feel better about moving the project forward, but you will have taught Bill and Abby that they do not need to figure it out for themselves – whenever they’re stuck, they can rely on you to save the day.

That’s not doing management work, that’s doing “vocational work,” and what’s more, you’re actually stunting Bill and Abby’s professional growth.

The best choice for you, it seems to me, is to bring them both into your office, and keep the monkey where it belongs – on their shoulders. You should let them know that you’re not going to make this decision – they are – and that you have confidence that they will make the best decision. You can offer to help them sort it out and make sure they’re really listening to one another, but you’re not going to make the final decision.

After all, you put them in charge of the project – an expression of your confidence in their competence.

Bill and Abby may resist. They may complain (either publicly or privately) that you’re ducking your responsibility. They will be feeling the heat because they were unable to put their monkey up for adoption. But if they’re as competent as you believed them to be when you gave them the assignment, they will find a path forward. And, they will have greater ownership of that plan, because they created it rather than having it handed down from you.

Be careful not to accept the monkeys that belong to your staff. It’s seductive because you can feel wise, powerful, caring and important when you solve their problems. But it’s a short-sighted strategy that will consume your time, stall the growth of your staff, and lead to dependency-based relationships.

And next time, put one person in charge of a project. It’s cleaner that way.

For more information, read Managing Management Time: Who’s Got the Monkey, by William Oncken.